Written by: Kendall A. | Umm Iman
As a new Muslim, nearly 10 years ago, I knew very little about the marriage process. Sure, I did know a few things–like the fact that marriage completes half your deen; the importance of marriage as a protection, a means of starting a family, and an opportunity to engage in a higher level of ibadah; and that one should primarily seek the partner is who grounded in deen above other characteristics, such as: financial or social status and beauty. While I had done research at the time on the matter, if I’m honest with myself, coming to a place of truly understanding Islam was a big enough task in and of itself. I was hoping that through marrying a person who seemed to be well-grounded in the faith, I would learn more about Islam and how to practice on a daily basis within the context of an Islamic home.
For me, the process ended up falling mainly on me. As one can expect, being a revert, I was not given as much support in the process of searching as someone who has grown up in the faith may have had. When I mentioned marriage to my parents and my desire to have them participate in the process of finding a suitable spouse, they were almost at as much of a loss as I was. The local mosque was still attempting to solidify and improve their matrimonial service, and I simply didn’t know about online matrimonial sites at the time. This left me asking friends if they knew of any brothers in the community who were eligible for marriage. I met with a few brothers and made istikhara while communicating. However, I do still wish that I had had more familial support and more information about what to look for and how to find a spouse, as well as more information on what an Islamic marriage should actually look like.
Over the past few years, I have done extensive research on the martial relationship and contract from an Islamic lens, and have to put together a concise resource guide to aid women in the process of courting and marrying. It is the guide that I wish I had come across all those years ago. It is the guide that I hope my daughter will use one day in making her decision, in sha Allah. My desire is for some good, benefit, and blessing to come to others as a result of my own struggles with the process and through sharing what I have learned. Allah swt designs each of our trials purposefully–they are not only meant to benefit and grow us as individuals, but they are also meant to serve as a means of helping others, in sha Allah.
Please do use this guide if you are searching for a life and akhira partner, and share with your loved ones who are searching! Also, check out “Relationships Are a Reflection of Our State With Allah“–though initially geared at parenting, the concept is applicable to all of our daily relationships and interactions.